Thursday, August 18, 2011

Day Fourteen: Of kids and kings and princely things

Why am I in trouble? What did I do? It’s not fair, diary, it’s not fair! It’s actually really stupid!

So, okay. Last night was fine. I had proof that I was on the barbican most of the day, so Libby didn’t beat me, because even though she’s a douche like that, she’s not a total douche. I slept fine, even with all her snoring.

And, yes, maybe I woke up a bit late because I was having a nice dream. Would you want to waken, diary, if bouncy women were dancing naked in your head? I don’t even know why that’s a good dream, I’m pretty meh about girls! Most of the time they just beat me up and call me names! I still didn’t get up!

And, okay, yes, when the captain found me I was back on the wall again, watching the tanner beat the bajesus out of some leather with a stick. I find the whole process really fascinating, you know, ‘cause they take all this dung

Anyway. Sorry. Point is, the captain came up from behind and kicked me down into the bailey when he found me slacking off. Then when I came back up and he slapped me in the face, he told me it wasn’t even for slacking! It was because that kid went missing, and he was last seen running away from ME on the barbican! I told the captain that that’s proof that I was doing my job, ‘cause I was up on the barbican, but he slapped me again!

Once I got a few more lumps he told me who the kid is. He’s the prince. Prince Logan, the son of the king. The captain couldn’t figure out why I didn’t recognize him as the prince. How am I supposed to know? I’ve never seen the prince before. But when I said that the captain slapped me again, and I fell down into the bailey and passed out for a couple hours.

Stupid captain. He only knows the prince because the prince's kangaroo robbed the captain of his bits.

When I woke up I found a little note attached to my armour that said ‘Find him or I’ll feed you to the rats’. I also noticed that somebody had drawn a mustache on my breeches. Weird sense of humour in this castle, though that's nothing new.

I've been spending the rest of the night looking for the kid. The prince. Whatever. I’m just taking a break right now. I have to get back to it, ‘cause I’m looking at the rats, and I don’t like the gleam in their eyes. It's kinda like the gleam Captain Cedric gets when he's mad at me, only I don't know what the rats will do to me if they're upset. Cedric's beatings are at least predictable.

I hate night patrols,

Dragomir the Guard

No comments:

Post a Comment