Friday, August 5, 2011

Day Five: Oh crap, babies


Well, I don’t have to worry about talking about Castle Bitchfist at the beginning of each entry, now, diary. The king changed the name to Castle Hammerknocker. I guess I won’t be getting that letter from mother I was expecting. Sigh.

My day was pretty boring until Libby grabbed me. I was just about to start my shift (and secretly come here to write in you, diary), but she tossed me in a chair and punched me in the stomach. Didn't even care that I was wearing my breastplate. I didn’t know why she did this until she started yelling at me.

“Dragomir, you bastard, you got me pregnant." She pointed at her belly, and I had to admit that it was a lot bigger than usual. Libby doesn’t eat much while she’s on the job so I couldn’t blame it on her getting fat.

I didn’t know what to say. I’ve never gotten anyone pregnant before. I don’t even know how to get somebody pregnant. Nobody does. It just kinda happens after you're married. The timing could be better - I wanted nicer quarters before I had kids. Right now we’re living in a closet with a bed and a dresser. We don’t even have a door. That’s not so bad, since I can wave at people in the hall when I’m sitting in bed, but it gets awful drafty in the winter.

'specially since our window doesn't have glass or a cover or nothing. The waving aside, it's a really crappy apartment.

Libby told me that I have to buckle down and become a serious guard. I need to train, and stick to my posts, and kill a few monsters to prove how tough I am. Right now, she says, I spend all my time wandering around and watching other people work. She says I need to be a guard, not a cat. I won’t get a promotion as Dragomir the Cat. Which isn't true, 'cause I bet a cat version of me would become quite a celebrity.

When I suggested that maybe she should work harder as a carpenter, Libby kicked me in the face. Now I have to sleep in the rat farms. She’s kind of a douche like that.

I guess she’s right, diary. I’m gonna be a father in a few months. I need to get serious about my job and not get distracted. Stay on the straight and narrow, you know what I mean? So I’m gonna start tonight, and not screw up. You won’t see me doing something I shouldn’t! No sir, I'm gonna spend my entire shift guarding that storage room!

Which I should be doing right now! Where am I again?

Right, the rat farms. Hell.

I fucked up by writing in you,

Dragomir the Guard

2 comments:

  1. Man his wife is an abusive bitch isnt she.

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    Replies
    1. Libby develops. She's always abusive, but she steadily changes from shrewish to more badass.

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