Friday, August 5, 2011

Day Five: Oh crap, babies

Well, I don’t have to worry about talking about Castle Bitchfist at the beginning of each entry, now, diary. The king changed the name to Castle Hammerknocker. I guess I won’t be getting that letter from mother I was expecting. Sigh.

My day was pretty boring until Libby grabbed me. I was just about to start my shift (and secretly come here to write in you, diary), but she tossed me in a chair and punched me in the stomach. Didn't even care that I was wearing my breastplate. I didn’t know why she did this until she started yelling at me.

“Dragomir, you bastard, you got me pregnant." She pointed at her belly, and I had to admit that it was a lot bigger than usual. Libby doesn’t eat much while she’s on the job so I couldn’t blame it on her getting fat.

I didn’t know what to say. I’ve never gotten anyone pregnant before. I don’t even know how to get somebody pregnant. Nobody does. It just kinda happens after you're married. The timing could be better - I wanted nicer quarters before I had kids. Right now we’re living in a closet with a bed and a dresser. We don’t even have a door. That’s not so bad, since I can wave at people in the hall when I’m sitting in bed, but it gets awful drafty in the winter.

'specially since our window doesn't have glass or a cover or nothing. The waving aside, it's a really crappy apartment.

Libby told me that I have to buckle down and become a serious guard. I need to train, and stick to my posts, and kill a few monsters to prove how tough I am. Right now, she says, I spend all my time wandering around and watching other people work. She says I need to be a guard, not a cat. I won’t get a promotion as Dragomir the Cat. Which isn't true, 'cause I bet a cat version of me would become quite a celebrity.

When I suggested that maybe she should work harder as a carpenter, Libby kicked me in the face. Now I have to sleep in the rat farms. She’s kind of a douche like that.

I guess she’s right, diary. I’m gonna be a father in a few months. I need to get serious about my job and not get distracted. Stay on the straight and narrow, you know what I mean? So I’m gonna start tonight, and not screw up. You won’t see me doing something I shouldn’t! No sir, I'm gonna spend my entire shift guarding that storage room!

Which I should be doing right now! Where am I again?

Right, the rat farms. Hell.

I fucked up by writing in you,

Dragomir the Guard


  1. Man his wife is an abusive bitch isnt she.

    1. Libby develops. She's always abusive, but she steadily changes from shrewish to more badass.