Thursday, December 8, 2011

Day Ninety-Four: She uses the fur to floss

Ugh. The 'bonding' continues, diary, and it's no better today than it was yesterday. Doesn't help that I slept in the rat farms… they're happy to run across me, all night long… at least they haven't been talking to me, lately.

I tried to apologize to Libby this morning, but that was no go, 'cause I came too early after being woken up by that damned kangaroo, so the animal was smacking me on one side and the wife was yelling at me on the other. I think I'll avoid our apartment until tomorrow. Maybe I should use Prince Logan's shed in the west bailey, it was pretty comfy…

Anyway. When I got to the sparring field Eve was waiting, and she pointed at the track, as usual, so I started running. (Really don't know what jogging has to do with being a knight, they're usually on their stupid ostriches.) I tried to talk to her a few times today, but her responses were either stony silence or her spooky proclamations:

"I dip my sword in the souls of the defeated."

"The First Ones will fall, and I will drink from their lifeless bones."

"The fires of Hell will rend this earth."

I don't know where she picked 'em up, diary, I really don't. From what I've heard she spent her time while I was away IN the castle, mostly holed up in her room 'cause she was sick like everyone else, so… maybe she's been reading some weird books? But I thought books for kids were usually about, y'know, going up hills. And stuff.

The prince showed up with his entourage after a while, and ordered a change of pace after what happened yesterday: we were going to have a picnic. I thought this kinda weird since it's the middle of winter, but he insisted, so I followed everyone out of the sparring field (hobbling like a 75-year-old) and up to the roof.

And I was surprised! Turns out Logan had ordered his servants to shovel away the snow and lay out a blanket covered in food, much of it fresh and raw, the kind Eve likes to eat. Even had a few fires going around the blanket so we would be warm.

We sat. Logan ordered the royal guards to take off, then he grabbed some grapes and started eating. Winked at me, and I figured this was the point where he would 'interpret' for me, or whatever. I grabbed a yak tart and asked Eve a few questions about her work as one of the knights, including the tattoo on her arm.

She didn't answer. She didn't pick up the food, didn't eat anything. She just looked out, beyond the walls of the castle, and spotted a lone mammoth crossing by the perimeter in the distance. Then she leapt - I've never seen someone jump so HIGH - and landed atop the mammoth, attacking it with a dagger.

Logan and I watched the fight. It didn't last long, 'cause she stuck her blade in its brain. Then Eve started to eat. I guess she likes to kill her own meals. She ran off after that, and I didn't see her again that day.

Feeling a little smarmy, I asked Logan, "You're the interpreter. What's she saying there?"

He shrugged. "Well, don't buy her a pet."

At least I got a meal.

This isn't working,

Dragomir the Stuffed

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