Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Day Ninety-Two: The sting of the enraged ostrich is formidable indeed

I've discovered what they did to me yesterday: they made me duel Eve. In Prince Logan's place. One of the soldiers in the field today said they picked me up and moved me around like a puppet. Eve beat the snot out of me. Hence the sore arms.

And today? Another early start. Not quite as early, but pretty damn early anyway. And I was riding an ostrich for Logan, who again couldn't be bothered to do any of the squiring himself. Stupid bird nearly killed me when it tossed me off into a wall. I wish our kingdom could be normal and use a REGULAR riding animal, like a horse or a giant frog or something, but nooooo

I guess Eve heard my prayer for something else to ride, 'cause after I'd been flung off the ostrich's back she killed and ate the bird. Must've been hungry. I've reconciled myself to the whole my-daughter-is-a-ruthless-killer-and-raw-meat-eater thing, so it disturbed me less than I woulda thought. (There are lots of rotting animal corpses around the castle these days.)

Still. I don't get this kid. Which? Take your freaking pick, diary! If the prince had something in mind to help me get closer with my daughter then he sure as hell isn't doing much to put it into play, and Eve keeps quietly pointing to tell me to do stuff! And when she actually does speak, she says things like "My fist is the apocalypse" and "I will drink the blood of the immortals" and so on! The hell, diary! The HELL!

It's no better when I get home. I told Libby that all this is supposedly part of a scheme to bring Eve and me closer, but she keeps saying that it's dumb to try and reach out to our daughter. She's the mother and she can't be bothered trying to talk to Eve? What's her damn PROBLEM?! WHY IS THIS CASTLE A HELL HOLE ALL OF A SUDDEN, AND WHY IS MY WIFE A DOUCHE LIKE THAT? I ACTUALLY MISS DEALING WITH CAPTAIN CEDRIC, HE'S

Sorry. Sorry. That last bit was out of line. He's a jerk. I don't regret not having to deal with Captain Cedric. Feeling, uh, passionate. Yeah. I'll calm down.

I'm in the same shape as yesterday. Broken, beaten, bloody. Libby had to drag me home again. It's only Tuesday. I can't survive… um… can't… how long is this training supposed to last, anyway? I never asked. I've been through so damn much, diary, so how the hell can I die being 'trained' by my daughter? Is she even teaching Logan anything?! GAH!

… yeah, that wasn't very calm. It's hard, diary.

I think I inverted my kneecaps,

Dragomir the Heap of Pain

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