Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Day One Hundred-Eighteen: Speed lines

The castle is laughing at King Jeffrey today, diary. He's a butthead. Literally. His son painted a big butt on his bald head. The line ends at his eyebrows.

Despite the severity of the situation, I can't help but find it hilarious. Same for everybody else - though we're not telling the king. The Baron says he's not looking in his mirror these days, because he's hairless, and nobody is to say anything about the drawing.

Or. Y'know. Make a 'crack' about it. Ha ha!

Puns. Robert the Librarian told me about 'em as a writing thinger last week; figured I'd give it a try. Not bad, eh? Eh?

In other news, Logan's still alive. Half of the castle's been destroyed, but he's amazingly quite healthy, despite tangling with my daughter, Lord Knight of the realm and all-around unholy terror.

Since Captain Cedric hates me so much, the bushy bastard, he's been forcing me to search outside in the cold for long, long hours. I usually have Barrel flitting alongside me in his tiny dragon form as company, so it's not so bad, but today I REALLY wish I'd been inside, 'cause then I could have missed the beginning of Eve and Logan's fight.

I was on the wall bordering the western bailey, slumped over an icy pile of stones and watching a candle maker make… candles… when I heard a shout, or rather, a blood-curdling roar that chilled my bones, coming from one of the stalls. I ran to a better vantage point and who did I see but Eve, my precious daughter, with a half-finished heart-and-dagger on her armour, facing off against a hooded guy with two dripping paint brushes.

Against my better judgement I hopped down into the bailey and joined the crowd surrounding the pair, and I heard the hooded guy (in a raspy voice, but I know my prince by now) say "You're good. Nobody's spotted me before."

To which Eve replied "Your stretched entrails will form the bridge between Heaven and Hell." She's such a charmer, just like her mom.

"Try it." And Logan vanished, or I thought he did, 'til I heard him whistle from above - he'd leaped about twenty feet into the air.

Eve didn't waste any time, and as everyone screamed and ran - we all know what she can do by now - she grabbed a casket of wine and hurled it at Logan. He kicked off the casket as it came towards him, sending it flying back to the ground as he flipped towards the wall. Eve charged towards him, jumping onto the wall to pursue, and the casket smashed on a kiln. Wine spilled everywhere. I still smell like booze.

I can't believe how fast those two move, diary. Eve is a blur whenever she attacks something, and there's usually bodies piled around her in seconds, but Logan! Gods is he quick! Every time Eve launched a brick or chunk of wall or herb cart at him the prince managed to dodge, dancing around the bailey with a giant grin flashing under his hood. He even paused a few times to paint more hearts-and-daggers, never once dropping his paint brushes.

By the time they finished the bailey was more or less levelled, and Eve looked pretty tired. Not Logan, though, and he boldly finished his insignia on her armour before disappearing into the main courtyard. Eve vanished a few seconds later, and given that I heard the scream of livestock in the distance, well, she must have been hungry.

Between cleaning up and looking around, I didn’t get a chance to do what I'd wanted to do today: talk to Queen Daena. She must know what's happening in the castle, but I doubt she knows everything. Maybe she can stop Logan before he brings the whole place down.


Dragomir the Guard


  1. Hmmm...HACKS! HACKZ! I SCREAM HACKS!...or the bugger has been powerleveling...IT'S OVER NINE THOUS...ANNNNNnnnnnnd the joke is getting old....

    Though now I seriously wonder about his lineage...oh god...if him and Eve married and had a'd eat metal and crap mountains (Figurativly some manner).

    (Word: 'hydro' "BLASTORTOISE! USE HYDRO-GUSH! AGAINST HIS PICKLECHEW! (Just different enough that Nintendo can't sue)"

  2. Well, they ARE hacks. Both of 'em. The joys of living in a video game...

    Also, you honestly got hydro? I don't think I've ever seen one of those spit out an actual, common word before.

  3. Yep I got Hydro as a word. I've had maybe 2 or 3 normal words so far, those are usually the times when I don't include my (Word: '') segments XD

    (Word: 'ingratep' "Told ya so, only when I get weird nonsense like ingratep do I post em!")