Friday, January 13, 2012

Day One Hundred-Twenty: All for naught

Considering today's Friday the thirteenth, you'd figure this would be a bad day, diary. A HORRIFYING day, a day of terrible, awful, no good very bad luck, especially after that little message Logan left in my diary yesterday.

But it wasn't. In fact, today was downright pleasant. And humbling. In a few ways.

Even though Logan made it sound as though he wouldn't in a million years be chatting with his mom, and that I'd be watching my body fade into the distance as she launched my head across the plains, I THINK Logan meant that he'd get a good, solid beating from the queen instead, 'cause, sure enough, he was out there talking to her in the snow when I went to visit.

I'm sure they knew I was there, hiding behind a tree. I'm not a great sneak, and from what I've heard, Queen Daena can tell when people are around even if she's asleep. Must have something to do with her being exposed to wild animals all the time. They didn't pay me any attention, though, and I listened in on their conversation.

Daena: Dragomir sent you?

Logan: Yeah. I guess. S'not like he ordered me or anything.

Daena: Of course not, you're the prince. Let me rephrase, my brat of a son: you got my message THROUGH Dragomir?

Logan (looking sheepish): Yeah… but-

Daena: Shh. He told me the whole story. Including the full extent of your pranks. Have you declared war on your father, Logan?

Logan: Yes! Gods, mom, he… he cheated on you! How can you-

Daena: Shut up, my son.

Logan went really quiet, though I could see him shaking from my hiding spot. Guess you do exactly what the queen tells you to do, even if she is your mom - and even if she DOES look silly with her legs endlessly kicking the air from that tree of hers.

Daena: I know the story. I know what your father has done. It's the same thing he's done since I got myself stuck in this blasted tree, and despite what you may think, it is no crime.

More fidgeting. Logan looked ready to explode, his face going all red with frustration. I sympathized completely - how could the queen not CARE that her husband was sleeping with another woman? Well, we found out.

Daena: You saw a blonde woman in your father's bed. Did you see her face?


Daena: Open your mouth now, silly boy.

Logan (fuming): No, I didn't see her face. But that shouldn't-

Daena: Shut up. Yes or no. Did you see her body?

THAT seemed a shameful thing to ask a son, and even I flinched.

Logan: N… no.

Daena: Did you see her move, Logan?

Logan: We were only-


The trees rocked under the force of her voice, and I rocked with 'em. My bladder suddenly felt rather full.

Daena: Yes. Or. No. Did you see her move?

Logan (after a long pause): … no.

Daena: Do you have any evidence that she was ever alive?

I'm not sure what the word is for sleeping with dead people, diary, but I get the CONCEPT, and for a few quick seconds I thought King Jeffrey might be the most disgusting person alive, and a good candidate as ambassador to the zombies of the plains. Ewww.

Logan: … no?

Daena: You have been tutored by The Baron, my son, and tutored well. What does this lead you to believe?

Logan (shocked, thinking for a moment): … uh… uh… dad… sleeps with… corpses…?

The queen's laughter rang out amid the winter scene, as beautiful and warming a sound as any set of church bells.

Daena: No, no, no! You magnificent little fool. I'll have to help you with your logic… no, Logan, your father does not sleep with corpses. The woman you saw was a doll, specially shaped and constructed to match my body. It even has pigtails. Your father always loved my pigtails.

Silence, as the prince drank in this new information. His face drained of red, replaced by another shade of red - disbelief. I'm sure I didn't look much different.

Daena: Your father would never cheat on me, Logan. He is many things - a drunkard, a spoiled brat, a brainless nitwit with no more common sense than a mouse, even a warmonger - but he is not a cheater. He is, simply, lonely, and needs something to keep him company during the night.

Lonely. The king… lonely?

Logan: But… I mean, are you sure-

Daena: Positive. You are free to sneak into his room and see for yourself, my son - he has told me that he keeps it tucked into his bed at all times, so it's waiting for him when he's ready to retire in the evening. (laugh) I don't know what ELSE he does with the doll, but rest assured, I don't consider it cheating.

Logan sputtered, lost for words. He turned in circles, looking for an explanation beyond what his mother offered, and found nothing but frosted trees and a blue sky. Then, eventually, with no recourse, he started to slip back to his normal self:

Logan: So… dad sleeps with a doll? What is he, three?

They laughed together, and I left. That's a moment better left to a mother and a son, no guards included.

I wish I could have family moments like that.

The war is hopefully over,

Dragomir the Guard


  1. DUH DUH DUHHHHHN! As M.Night.Shamalama would say! "WHAT A TWIST!". So I guess the king is more likeable now...*curls posh mustache* but he is still a Royal Ass (Both figurative and literally now XD).

    (Word: 'cossork' "Due to some copyright laws, the king had to rename the royal cavalry from Cossaks to Cossorks".)

  2. Here is a coloring of your poster:

    It's a work in progress, but I wanted your opinion on the colors of characters. A quick run-down is that Cedric has a blue uniform since he is captain, the king is in a ecentric array of colors, Eve has a relativly bland armor, Dragomirs brother is all white due to being a chef, and the dragon is Blue/Yellow since it looks colorful alongside the rest of the characters. Though the queen I will do a Brown/Green pallete for nature on other pictures (Since you only see her stocking and foot in the picture). Woooooo! thats alot to type, basic idea now is that I want your input/corrections on any colors.

  3. Answer's back on my blog. Also, I have included a link to your DeviantArt page on my sidebar, in big, bold letters. All shall now bow to your depiction of the Dragoverse.

  4. Haha, well it's not something I need credit for. I'm the equivilent of a child with crayons who is easily distracted by...OH SHINY!

  5. The poll asks if we changed our mind... the options are "He is a good guy now" and "he is still a butthead" and "I am apathy"
    I think its missing a critical option "he is a butthead, but not as bad"

    Although really, cheating on his wife is just so tame compared to the mass murder he regularly engages in for fun.

  6. PS. I really did not expect this in any way, I am shocked.

  7. I dunno, mass murder and abuse of power is almost required to be a king. But cheating on your wife is...just a dick move...just...not cool man...not cool

  8. By medieval standards, cheating on your wife if you were a noble (especially the king) was probably expected. Fortunately, Dragomir runs on modern conventions, and so cheating is THE ULTIMATE EVIL

    As for the poll... yeah... it's a shame you can't change the options after someone's voted. Oh well. I'll probably just make a new one early next week anyway, since I'm fairly poll-happy.

  9. Well I WAS all for the ironic death of the king by means of head kicking...buuuuut now I gotta say I feel a little bit sympathetic towards the guy, though it makes ya wonder if HE misses her that much, how much does she miss him?

    Little late for this joke though, but how well can the Queen 'Can Can' dance? (Prolly have to youtube Can Can Dance.)