Thursday, January 19, 2012

Day One-Twenty-Four: Awesome in all but title


Ohmygod diary, this is it! This WAS it! THAT was it! That was promotion material! I can feel it, I can SMELL it in my veins! That doesn't sound right but DAMMIT I'M OVERDUE FOR JOY!

I've done so much for this castle. I've guarded its hallways. I've learned its many nooks and crannies. I've helped people stay happy and healthy during their days with my witty banter, because, gods know, you don't need EVERY guard working away, right? Nope. Unnecessary. Somebody should be morale officer, and that should be ME!

But I'm not gonna be morale officer. Maybe they'll make me a general for my strategic brilliance. I'm at LEAST gonna get a bigger room, diary, and even though I'll miss waving at people through the missing door, I'll put up with it if it takes more than two seconds to cross the apartment! I WILL LOVE IT!

Okay. Okay. Freaking out with joy. Calm down, Dragomir. Tell the diary what is the matter. Tell it why you are so. Damn. Cool.

Right. Diary. Here's how it happened. My plan yesterday? The one with the spikes and the moat and all that? It worked. It totally worked. Libby made the spike containers so freaking well - and she made sure they were waterproofed, which, ah, I guess I shoulda thought of - that the spikes all ended up looking the same. Between that and my innate artistic sense, by the time one of the castle's TOP OFFICIALS came out to have a look at my work, I had the entire front of the castle finished.

And who was it, you ask? What lucky aristocratic soul saw me working away? Who else but THE BARON, the king's right hand man - and a dude who already seems to like me! It was fate, diary. My life has been leading up to this moment!

I was setting up a fresh batch of spikes when The Baron called to me from the ramparts, and this is exactly what he said:

"Hey, Dragomir! This is excellent! Everything is going as planned. You may be a lousy guard, but you're quite an architect! I'll pass along the good news - no doubt the king will want to come see the finished job personally!"

He left before I could shout anything back, so I whooped it up, right there on the ice, baring my bum at those stupid carnivores frozen in the moat! It was the best moment of my life. The best!

I'm a shoo-in for a promotion. I know it. I can feel it. Everything's gonna go right this time, diary, and none of that crap back in that stupid ancient city will come to pass. And that dream? Peh! I'll be too busy living it up in the lap of luxury to worry about polar bears or vicious kangaroos or weird doors or… or… well, that guy.

I'm off, diary. Got to finish a few more before the king gets out there to check what I've done. Just felt the need to write in you before I got to work - I can't wait, I can't wait!


Dragomir the Awesome


  1. Now I'll prolly HAVE to color this when I get home today, it's too awesome to not color XD

    (Word: 'ingst' "Ingst...a step up from Angst")

  2. Anonymoose huh? I can dig it.

    Horribly Ironic Wish Fulfillment time!

    1) Dragomir gets a 'sideways' promotion to 'Junior Omega Corps'. Slight increase in pay, but confined to working with the Royal guards. Who are a lot less nice about goofing off from signs so far.

    2) Dragomir gets promoted to the Royal Ice Sculptor. Which, given the lack of year round ice, means he only gets paid in cold winter.
    Probably has to chisel his own ice out of the moat.
    And only gets paid during the time he has ice and makes it good enough for King Jeff.
    But makes enough money if he does his job well to goof off the rest of the year and still support himself and Libby.

    3) Squire to Eve. I mean, come on. That's gonna sting no matter how it turns out.

    4) Barrel's Official Dragon Trainer. King Jeff wants to be able to duplicate the trick Dragomir performed on Jeffmas. Dragomir has no idea HOW to train a dragon. Comedy ensues. And beheadings. Or at least threats of the same.

    5) Official Rat Farmer. Doesn't seem to be a real position, since the rats seem to multiply without help, but we'll see.

    6) Goblin Liason Officer. A more official 'guide to goblin ambassador' role. That will surely end well. But might let Dragomir tell Grylock about the hole.

    7) Assistant Librarian. Robert probably doesn't need the help, but since almost everyone seems aware that Dragomir scribbles things into his book, it's likely. Horrible Revelation: Libby actually does know how to read, hides it. Amusing Revelation: She calls Dragomir a douche when they run into each other in the library.

    8) 'Official Inspector'. The only place he ever inspects is The Hole. Increase in madness levels.

    9) Assistant to Prince Logan (Reports directly to King Jeff). Attempt to reduce antics. Fails horribly.

    10) Ambassador. Dragomir is sent on yet another world crawling mission. In 'required' diplomatic envoy clothes. Which have a giant target printed on the back and offer no protection whatsoever. Humorously horrible Ambassadorial options include: Giants, Zombies (Duh), Werewolves (We had the sneaky preview of that), Dire Bears, Barbarians, Orcs, Minotaurs, and pretty much anything else. Another misguided romance attempt would probably be funny, but not worth milking forever. Might be more amusing to send Libby along and have her Strength be more impressing than Dragomir's... err.. Dragonmir...-ness.

    (Word Essendb "I have an essay to write, four e-mails to send, and I need to work on my outfit for the dance!" "So you're working on your Essendb-le?" "That's a horrible word mash up and you should feel bad." ,_, )

  3. Well I did infact color the image for today (Was tempted to make the robes red with white fur...but I don't want Stanta's lawyers on my back). I must once again say that AnonyMoose makes some excellent points...I can't beat that logic...unless I use a large stick...with like...more sticks attached...

    (Word Of Wisdom: 'stats' "Due to recent stats, it appears that Gary is the least popular member of the office...I'm sorry Gary but you know the punishment for coming in last place. So just turn around and march yourself right into the chamber of Horrible Misfortune")

  4. Now I feel bad that everybody seems to have been expecting Dragomir to get a promotion. He received an entirely different reward...!