Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Day One-Twenty-Two: His cheeks were like roses - nope, the other cheeks

My BUTT is FROZEN. I can't SIT on that STUPID MOAT anymore, diary.

I've been outside the castle making spikes for, oh, fourteen hours or so, now, and I've barely gotten anywhere. I'm terrible at chiselling, just like I'm terrible at whittling, and so the spikes I've made look more like bananas. Most of them are coming up curved rather than pointy! How can I be this bad at making spikes?!

It probably has more to do with where I am than any of my own crappiness, though. I mean, I'm on top of a moat that, within the last two weeks, gotten broken open by a pack of rampaging mammoths. That's a hell of a smash-through, diary, and though the ice is frozen again, I'm not confident that it's fully frozen. So I'm going easy on the ice - 'cause that's what I have to do, I need to carve spikes OUT OF THE MOAT - and they're turning out all lop-sided.


It's even worse when I get in view of one of the things that live in the damn moat. Remember I said during the whole mammoth debacle that a bunch of creatures jumped out and starting eating the lead mammoth when it smashed the ice? They're all still down here, frozen again, and they… they… they WATCH you. Whenever you pass by. Their eyes are wide open, along with their fangy little mouths, and those damned pupils follow you wherever you go. It's creepy as shit.

I spent five hours in plain view of a crocodile. It eyed me, unblinking, the entire time. It's one thing to be scared, diary, but quite another to endure that kinda stress. My bladder didn't know WHAT to do.

And I can't leave! The damned captain has one of his guards watching the moat from the Neck, and whenever I try to take a break or bugger off or whatever, they rat on me! I can't tell which one it is, since they change all the time, but when I find out… oooh, I'm gonna get revenge somehow. Maybe I can have Barrel set their shorts on fire or something.

I really need to come up with a better way to make spikes. This way is dumb - and really dangerous, if one of those frozen beasts decides I look yummy enough to eat and breaks through the ice.


Dragomir the Guard

1 comment:

  1. Cue the Jaws music...for several hours while he works...

    (Word: 'yoppin' "Pretty sure that Yoppin was something Dr.Sues said...")