Thursday, February 16, 2012

Day One-Forty-Four: The best-laid schemes...

Alright. Alright.


I think I've got this down, diary. I am ready to go. I'm pumped, I'm primed, I'm prepped. You know why? Because I have a way to BEAT that dog, that's why!

Not literally, of course. But beat as in an intangible VICTORY!

Lemme tell you about Captain Cedric's dog. It's a big, mean, boxy bull terrier, those dogs with the weird heads, and its name is Percy. Percy doesn't like anyone, not even Captain Cedric, and he attacks anyone who comes near Captain Cedric's quarters… even those escorted by the captain. (Cedric usually cuffs Percy in the head to shut 'im up. They're quite the pair.)

Percy spends pretty much his entire day in Captain Cedric's quarters, sleeping. He's not a lazy beast, though - every now and then, I've noticed, he'll get up and run around Cedric's room, going in tight circles to give himself some exercise before going back to sleep. Guess even a cranky old thing like Percy needs more than two walks a day. Needless to say, he's ALWAYS THERE, and that's a problem for me, 'cause most of Cedric's personal writing must be in his quarters.

I've got a plan, though. A good plan. An excellent plan. And it involves Robert, my ever-loving-and-scheming brother - and when I told him what it was, he thought it was so funny that he had to help out. (I guess he doesn't like Captain Cedric much either.)

Captain Cedric feeds his dog every day. Makes sense, since the brute is still alive. And, I've noticed, he gives Percy food three times daily. The first and last time he uses his own personal food stores, but at LUNCH he fetches a bowl of meat from the Beefiary to feed Percy.

Now. It's long been rumoured that King Jeffrey has trouble sleeping at night, and Robert confirmed this - 'cause he puts the sleeping draught in Jeffrey's food at dinner. Which means that he's got the materials (a few plants, mostly) to MAKE the draught. Which meeeeeeans that he's probably got some extra… and will make me a dose of the draught.

And he has. And will. Tomorrow, Robert is going to drug Percy's lunchtime meal. While the dog's out for the count and Captain Cedric's patrolling the bailies, I'll sneak into his room, see what he's been writing, then sneak out again and fly back to my post. That way, if he suspects foul play, I'll have an alibi when he sees that I'm where I'm supposed to be!

Pure. Blissful. GENIUS.

Things could go wrong, of course. I'm not blind to the possible problems, 'cause something ALWAYS goes wrong. But I think I've got this all covered, diary, and since I only have to be in Cedric's room for a few minutes… hopefully… my chances of success are pretty high.

That's all for now. Wish me luck! I'm finally gonna see another writer at work!


Dragomir the Snoop


  1. I must say...this is sounding like...*Pulls down shades* Mission: Impossible

    1. I spent a good five minutes wondering how they might do sunglasses in the Middle Ages.

      Then it dawned on me that they wore hats.

      Just... hats.


    2. Ah...but they did have Monicles! (Think I spelt it right), considering that these guys are in the age where they have access to regular glasses! *Puts on tophat, trims posh mustache, and wears a sexy babe magnet known as a monicle*