Monday, February 20, 2012

Day One-Forty-Six: Speculation

… gentle rose, bobbing in the breeze…?

Sorry, diary. I just… can't… get over the stuff Captain Cedric writes in his spare time. Pardon my language, but it's FUCKING BIZARRE. (I wish I'd grabbed more.)

I joked a while ago that the captain might be a 'poetry-lovin' kinda dude', but I never… seriously… THOUGHT, that it might be true. And if it WAS true, hell, I woulda pegged the captain for writing stuff like:

Blood on my sword,
Blood on my boot,
Blood on my dog,
Blood on my blood.

Or something stupid like that. (Don't lookit me, I'm not a poet.) He's a violent man, is my point! Why's he talkin' about summer breezes?!

Well. I asked LIBBY that question, and even recited the poem to her, not telling her how I got hold of it. (She gave me a really dangerous look, diary, but she didn't hit me. I'm thankful.) And she, surprisingly, might have an answer:

"Well, it's stupid and I don't get it, but he might just be lonely. Now quit buggin' me, I'm trying to sleep."

Lonely. What a weird thought.

She's right, though. Captain Cedric… might be lonely. It makes perfect sense, when you think about it - he works all day, he doesn't seem to have any friends, and because he's missing his bits, he's PROBABLY not that popular with the ladies. I don't know why your thinger is necessary for pleasing women - I don't remember pulling down my pants when I met Libby, and we got married just fine - but I keep hearing it is, so…

Lonely. Maybe Captain Cedric just needs a girlfriend to calm him down? Might I have a new mission, diary?

I'll think about that later. Instead, I'll celebrate! My birthday is coming up, diary! Right at the end of February! Can't wait. After our 'chat' Robert promised me that his surprise would more than make up for him not properly drugging Captain Cedric's dog, and I told HIM that if he's lying again, I'll knock out his teeth. He's kinda portly from working in the kitchen all the time, so I KNOW I can catch him and follow through on that.

Birthday birthday birthday! Yay! Can't wait to see the surprise!

Better snuff out the candle before Libby punches me,

Dragomir the Guard


  1. Awh, poor bugger can't get jiggy without his thingy. Seems like he'll be forever alone, unless it turns out that making out with a frog turns it into...a really...really....REALLY...ugly princess with low standards and zero sex drive. Or maybe he can just bust out a lute and rock out poetry harder then Guitar Hero, he'll be rolling in the ladies after that (which he might want a shower afterwards since...ya'know...peasants make up 80% of the masses...and they aren't the cleanest people compared to the nobles...).

  2. just finished reading through the archives. really like this work. top job mate

    1. Thanks! Catching up through all those days must have been one hell of a slog. Thing's getting damn long...

      SZ - Cedric doesn't strike me as terribly hygienic, so I don't think he'd mind. Probably wouldn't even notice.

  3. Dragomir seems kinda clueless when it comes to sex. How exactly did he manage to father a child? Immaculate conception? Eve was fathered by a demon? Actually, that would kinda make sense...

  4. Just when I'd put out of my mind the hypothesis that maybe Drago isn't Eve's father at all, the ending of this brings it back in full force. :D

    Been reading through this over the past few evenings, had some good laughs!

    1. I am glad of this! It gets darker and darker from here, but I've tried to maintain at least a semi-goofy tone from time to time. Glad you're enjoying it!