Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Day One-Sixty-Eight: Aye, ya look like a boxer

As promised, the kangaroo came back. As promised, it's a girl with green skin. As promised, she can, indeed, talk. Hell of an accent, but she can talk.

Queen Daena and I were playing chess in her little enclosure (and she was beating my ass BADLY) when we heard the steady tread of feet on snow. Look up, and sure enough, there's an orc wandering across the snowfield towards us. Considering she was wearing boxing gloves and covered in muscles, I figured, yeah, must be our girl.

I got up from my stool and introduced myself, though perhaps not as politely as I might've. "Hey, orc lady! Remember dislocating my jaw a couple times? Thanks for buggering up our castle!"

"Dragomir!" The queen looked scandalized.

"What? She has. Damn kangaroo, I never liked you!"

The orc nodded. "I… apologize for zat. As wolf, I… I no can control everyting zat I do. Iz nice, be orc again. We shake on renewed acquaintance?"

She took off her gloves and held out her hand. I eyed it suspiciously for a few moments, then shook it. Carefully. "We'll see about that. Who are you really? Other than the prince's pet?"

The orc, wincing under the strain of sore muscles - she'd been fighting werewolves for hours by this point - settled down into the snow and sighed. "Iz long story. You vant to hear?"


Her real name is Antonia. She was born in the Imperium, raised by a band of gypsies to perform in an acting troupe. Apparently she sparred with her brother to the general amusement of the crowds, the both of them acting silly to get some laughs - though she's more than capable of serious fights, as well.

Eventually Antonia tired of living poorly, and she took off on her troupe to join a professional boxing league in one of the larger cities. I doubt human boxing would allow men and women to fight each other, but apparently orc males and orc females are just as strong and durable as one another, so she earned a reputation for herself by smacking the tar out of any species that dared to face her in the ring.

Her ring name? Crotch Smasher. That was her finishing move. Yeouch.

Eventually that oft-repeated tactic got her expelled from the league, despite her popularity with the female fans, and she went on an expedition of self-discovery. She figured roughing it in the wilderness for a year would not only toughen her up, but it might give her a less controversial set of moves that would allow her to return to the ring.

You can probably figure out what happened, diary. She was bitten by a werewolf. Beat the crap out of the thing in return, but the damage was done.

Antonia managed to resist the effects of the lycanthropy for nearly two years, but by the end she could barely control herself anymore. The transformation completed itself, and she wandered across the Imperium border and into our lands. Eventually she came across Queen Daena's tree, and the rest of the tale has already been told.

"Was ztruggle every day, not to bite people," she concluded. "But I managed. Your zun helped vith zat. Gave me thingz to do. People to hit. May not be popular in castle, but I did not zpread ze dizeaze."

"But you did," I said, sniffing. "You did. Captain Cedric got infected."

She bit her lip. "Yeeeeeeeezzzzz, ze… ze Cedric. Zat vas unfortunate accident. He iz ztrong opponent, you see, and he… he did not like zat I kick hiz chair over. Ve fight, ve get rowdy, I… I revert to old vayz."

Old ways my butt. 'Crotch Smasher' is not the same as 'Crotch Gnawer'. "So… if he was gonna change into a werewolf, why'd it take so long?"

Antonia shrugged. "I guezz verevulf taint go into… zevered… member. Only a touch into Cedric. Took time to bring him to zis point. Zat iz nature of curse, ya? You should see ze member now, in jar. Iz very hairy indeed."

Queen Daena shuddered. "My gods, he actually kept the thing. I'd heard rumours, but I didn't think Logan would… would… we will discuss this."

"Ya. Have verds vith boy. Iz little dizturbed, though ztill good boy." She turned to me. "You haz plan? I know, we can no leave castle like zis."

I'd been pondering that for hours. The rats had told me that we needed to use the original werewolf as a repository for the lycanthropy. Which meant that we had to, uh, 'drain' the disease back into her somehow. Which meant… getting them all… to… bite her? Seemed like a rather fatal move, and I didn't want to inflict that on Antonia. She's a nice lady when she's not pretending to be a kangaroo.

I told her all this, and she nodded. "Yez, I know zome of theze tingz from experience, and zome from reading. I vill accept ze burden of ze wolf again - I know how to control it. Even if it meanz my life."

We discussed the problem long into the night, though none of us had satisfactory conclusions to offer. Eventually we decided to sleep, each of us taking a watch to make sure nothing snuck up on us.

I'm worried, diary. We're safe here, yes - especially now that I know Barrel is hiding in the tree above us as an owl, though I'd rather not tell Daena and Antonia about that, they might freak out - but the castle is in a hell of a state. Can this woman really contain a spreading disease on her own? More, can she do it without dying? I'd rather she not die.

If she doesn't, though… or if it doesn't work… my family will consist of a werewolf wife, a werewolf brother and a daughter who will, eventually, kill them both. Even if she doesn't, I'll be cut off from everything I knew and loved. No wonder I got snippy with Antonia when she first strolled up.

Don't know what to do, diary. There has to be a solution… some kind of solution… but what?


Dragomir the Guard


  1. Go figure that dragomir looks like a real man in today's comic. Normally he looks like a baby in daddy's guard uniform. :)

  2. Dragomir does look more tough in today's picture...almost makes ya forget he pees himself when frightend...almost...

  3. It's totally the stubble. It makes a man out of breech-wetters.