Monday, April 9, 2012

Day One-Eighty-One: The Three Subterfuges

Man. Driscol the Count is a dick. I knew he was before, but now I REALLY know. He's a bonafide dick.

My third day as a royal guard and my first as Driscol's bodyguard didn't start off well. I reported to his quarters a little after sunup, and when I knocked on the door Driscol banged it open in my face. No apology afterward, just a complaint that I was fifteen minutes late, and that I wasn't being paid to be late. If I was ever tardy again he would have me crucified on the secret entrance rhino's horn.

Chipper fellow, Driscol.

He told me to wait outside his quarters. I did.




Two hours later, he finally came out - and told me he'd had a nap. Made a big point of saying that it wasn't productive at all. And when I said I wouldn't mind a nap, he poked me in the eyes! Right through my visor!

I think that made him feel better, and he settled down and went about his business. Driscol's a busy dude, running all over the castle in a constant pell-mell of order-giving. I hadn't realized how often Driscol talks to Captain Cedric, and I had to hide my face every time we came near the lumbering beast. Couldn't have either of 'em finding out who I am!

(Speaking of which, NOBODY seems to recognize me in this getup. It's actually kinda fun, 'cause I can unnerve people I don't like by standing near 'em. Like Bernard, the other day - he damn near wet himself when I wouldn't stop starin'. Nobody messes with the guards of the Omega Corps, no sir.)

There are two problems with trying to spy on Driscol that have me really frustrated:

- First, whenever something goes wrong with his scheduling, he uses me as a verbal punching bag. As though I'm the one to blame. That was only true once, 'cause I had to go to the bathroom and I made him wait. You just hold your ostriches, buster, not everyone has a bladder of steel.

- And, second, he always orders me to stay out in hallways while he's discussing important stuff with other nobles in their quarters. Meaning I don't reeeeeeally get to listen in. What a pain.

Anyway. All I learned today is that the hunt for the murderer continues, Castle FunTimes is in an uproar, the unprotected nobles are hiding in their rooms, and Driscol does a lot of talking. Way too much talking. I think he figures his voice is sexy.

Which it… well, yeah, it kinda is. BUT DON'T TAKE THAT AS ATTRACTION, DIARY.

Oh, and Libby came home late again today. REALLY late. So late that I, the bodyguard who's only allowed to leave in the evenings, got home first. What's up with her, diary? Should I be concerned?


Dragomir the Clueless


  1. I fear the comic reference will fly over some younger heads. But I will not explain, as that will flog the joke into oblivion.

    1. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

      I pity anyone who's never gotten the opportunity to experience true classic slapstick. And even it's not safe from Hollywoods villainous claws...

  2. The bowl cut gave it away. Though I'm surprised I even get the reference...I guess my mum having found a bunch of her old VHS tapes and a VHS player in storage was a good idea afterall XD (Also...CURSE YOU HOLLLLLYWOOOOOOOOOD!!!!)