Thursday, July 5, 2012

Day Two-Forty-Four: Foe, I name thee Sun

Today was so unproductive it's not even funny.

I am ACTUALLY BREAKING THE RULES writing this diary entry.

But I don't care.

Because King Jeffrey is a prig.

And I like to defy prigs.

So long as everybody else is defying them too.

And they were. By the end of the day. Which took an unfortunately long time.

I was slated to guard the outer walls this morning. There have been reports of a sloth moving through the plains, and Captain Cedric didn't want to take the chance that it might come near the castle without us noticing. Playing sentry is a little dull, but I figured I could make do somehow - and actually seeing a sloth would liven up my day.

And possibly get me killed. The stories I've heard, diary… you don't even wanna know.

That's when the king's latest decree came down from on high. Literally. Not via the throne room, this time, but through the giant boxing match bullhorn, which I've since discovered has been stolen from Queen Daena and installed on the side of the king's tower:

"Attention! This is your king and supreme ruler, Jeffrey! All bow! Immediately! Except our wife, you don't have to bow."

Everybody bowed, indoors and out. We still can't resist obeying our king.

"Very good! We have decided on our latest decree. Today is to be a day of rest! You have all worked very hard fixing the castle since the siege, and we wish to congratulate you. Or whatever. Sit down where you are and luxuriate in the summer suns!"

The castle let out a collective sigh of relief. We'd all been working hard to repair the walls after those brutal trebuchet shots. A day off sounded awesome. But then Jeffrey sounded his horn again, and his voice was much less magnanimous than before:

"No! Stop moving! We told you to sit down where you are! Don't any of you dare move! Only members of the royal family are allowed to move, with the exception of Logan! He has been a naughty boy! Stay where you are, all of you! We are watching closely for anybody who dares defy this decree!"

I sat on the ramparts, testing the veracity of his threat. Sure enough, no less than two minutes later, the king ordered a noblewoman imprisoned because she'd dared to inch into the castle. The royal guards carted her away. (Apparently they were exempted from the decree as well. I guess that's a given.)

And that… that… was the day, diary. Static, heated boredom, basking in a sun that grew more and more merciless with each moment. Any time somebody tried to move, the king would somehow catch them and have them jailed. I'm not sure how he managed it, but his seemingly-omnipotent eye had us all held in his lunatic thrall.

It wasn't a good day for this kind of nonsense, either. It was a hoooooot day. There were no clouds overhead, and that STUPID yellowy orb thinger in the sky watched us the whole time. I lost at least three pounds from sweating, and I had trouble moving away from my post once the decree was lifted. I wasn't alone, either - the line-ups at the castle's wells were looooooong.

Fortunately for the overall prosperity of the castle, only people outside were really held under the rule. Everyone indoors, so long as they STAYED indoors, was free from Jeffrey's roving eye. A lot of the older folks who hadn't gotten up yet managed to avoid the summer sun and enjoy a work-free day in their apartments or homes. Good thing, 'cause I bet those with frail constitutions would have perished. Stupid, unthinking idiot king.

The idiocy ended around three in the afternoon. Queen Daena, quite tired of her husband's shenanigans and unable to otherwise reach him, carefully aimed a cannon at his tower by angling the Matriarch against one of the castle walls. Jeffrey took the hint immediately when a cannonball whizzed past his regal crow's nest, and a blast of Edmund's music over the bullhorn brought an end to the 'day of rest'.

Ugh. I'm feeling so damned dehydrated tonight, diary. I can barely move. Libby's been fetching water for me all evening, because, DOUCHE that she is, she spent the whole day in bed. Not a single drop of sweat to be found on her. BAH! Lucky ass!

I can't take these stupid decrees much longer. If Robert doesn't start a revolt against Jeffrey, I WILL.


Dragomir the Parched


  1. That's pretty much exactly how I feel currently. Stupid sun. Although it's really the humidity, am I right?

    1. It reeeeeeally is, 'cause it wasn't humid at ALL today, and the weather was far more tolerable.