Thursday, September 13, 2012

Day Two-Eighty-Four: That dreaded fate men dare call 'public office'

I've gone into isolation.

I know, now, why the nobles are so obsessed with me. They want me to lead. They want me to guide them in building a new kingdom, a place where they can live the life to which they are accustomed. They expect me to be the second coming of King Jeffrey, only with fewer nonsense decrees and random executions.

Me. Dragomir. Son of an eel farmer. Former guard. WORST guard, I might add. Did I mention I'm terrible at everything, diary? I'm not cut out to lead jack shit! My resume has two things on it:

- Farmer's son
- Bad guard

And that's all! No other credible job experience. None. If I were to apply for a job as a mayor of an established town, the sheer force of the bureaucracy's collective laughter would hurtle me past city limits and into the distant mountains. MOUNTAINS, diary! How the hell can I create a settlement, or a kingdom, or whatever, if I'm now in the MOUNTAINS?!

How did I earn this? All I did was walk down some steps, learn a few incredibly important things about the coming of a horrible race of shadow beings through a demonic portal, and die. That doesn't earn me the right to sit at the head of a town council. That barely earns me the right to sit at the head of the kid's table at a restaurant! I DON'T WANNA BE A MAYOR! DREAMS BE DAMNED AND SHIT!

Yet that's what everyone else wants. Before he sent me back to the apartments, Gok told me that I need to lead everybody outta here, because he's sick of seeing a bunch of humans in the halls of his tower, even if he does find all the ugly women to be unbearably attractive. (Yuck.) If we don't leave soon, preferably within a week, he'll force us out - or have our heads lopped from our bodies. Thanks for the great choice, Gok.

(He also threatened to tell Libby that Eve killed me. He's the only other person who knows, now, and unfortunately he knows THAT fact, too. Guess he's well aware that Libby will rush off to rend Eve if she finds out… not a good idea for a pregnant woman, y'know?)

And the nobles? The freakish nobles?! Of COURSE they want me to lead! They've been SCREAMING for me to do it all week! Why in the hell?! I mean, I'm probably better when compared to Jeffrey, but that just means their standards are HORRIBLY low! They shouldn't demean themselves by following a bloody IDIOT! THINK BETTER OF YOURSELVES, YOU FUCKING NITWITwdjededisijk

Sorry. Broke my quill. Had to fetch a new one. This whole issue has me riled.

Edmund's no help. When I told him what Gok 'suggested', he said that heroes 'spring from inauspicious roots' and that I could 'count [him] as [my] first, happy recruit'. NOT USEFUL, BARD.

How 'bout my darling wife? Did she support my position? Did she readily agree to everything I proposed and explained, as a good wife should? No. Instead, she asked but one question:

"Does that mean we'd get the biggest house?"


There's gotta be a way out of this, diary. There's gotta be a way to escape becoming the mayor of a crappy settlement in the middle of nowhere. I… I… gotta… gotta find a way… to weasel out of this…

I don't care. I'll spend all night thinking it over. I have better things to do than to make a town with these people. My daughter needs me… and The Baron is doing bad things… and… um… orphans are probably starving… somewhere… THEY NEED MY HELP… I WILL FIND THEM





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