Thursday, March 21, 2013

Day Four-Hundred-Nineteen: Pubton gets a doctor




WE ARE IN PUBBERS. Puberstons. And in Puberstons, we's the visits. ALL time. Some? Come. Some? Stay. Some? Go. Go's be fools, 'cause, Puberstons? Pubbers? Home of diary. Why go? Stupid. Bask in the glories of you, which is I.



More visits. Two-day. Two, but no! Is three. Plus one. And two! But back one. So… um… diary, what… three, and one, and two but not three or one, but not one? Oh maths, you confuddles the diary.

Seventy. Seventy visits. Is maths. DIARY WIIIIIINS

First, little thing. Not so littles as diary. But littles! Littles to Drags. Like others, in cloths. All a-swaddled. He's the jump around, jump around, jump up jump up and get down. Or maybe nots so much the all that, but twitch. So twitches.

Second, all a-swaddled. Huge! HUUUUUGE! Like big greenies. In Greenyville. But BIIIIIGGEEEEER. Very still, very not the move. Swaddled.

Third… um… a-swaddled… is… oh! Cedders! HI CEDDERS! Ew, he's be all the wriggly under a-swaddled. Gross.

Number the four… kind of… so very the thin… not so thin as di - OH OH OH IS BERNIE, HI BERNIE. Drags hates Bernie. I, diary, know. Heard. Listened. Seen. Seen aaaaaall the Bernieness. 'cept nots when a-swaddled.

Number the five, is so the Greasyman. I's, diary, we, you, all, we's jump on the face. Pinch. Pinch pinch pinch. Take that, Greasyman. Can't now; a-swaddled. Clooooths. But soon! Soooooon, Greasyman, we pinches your face once againmores! Just you see if diary does not!

Oh, and all? Aaaaaall greenies. BAD. Well, no, is not all greenies all bad, OB-VI-OUS-LEE, but these? You so baaaaad.

Talks. I record.

"Greetings, good sir! Thank you kindly for coming to meet with us! Much appreciated, eheh!"

"Uh… huh. Well, yeah, hi, I'm… mayor… I guess… of Pubton. Y'know, you don't have to get permission to come in, or anything… it's a free country, so long as you aren't plannin' to wreck up the place… that big fella makes me question your intentions a bit…"

"This? No! No! Look, look clooooosely, my friend. This is quite obviously a rare desert elephant. That's where we come from! The desert! Hence the, um, er, robes! We're not used to the climate here, sir, no, not a bit! This unwieldy pachyderm's skin dries out in an INSTANT if its robes come off. In fact, they're BORN with clothes, covering them from stem to stern."

"That right."

"It is, sir, it certainly is. Eheh."

"So… why's the elephant stand on two legs…?"

"… I told you, sir, it's a raaaaare DESERT elephant! They, they, they stand on two legs at a time to avoid burning the bottoms of their feet on the unforgiving sands of their native environment! By the time they get here they can't HELP but walk on two legs all the time!"

"… so you mean to say this big thing can use its, er, arms, to walk? If it wanted?"

"ABSOLUTELY! Absolutely, my good sir. Go on, er, Titan Blue, show him how you walk on your… other… feet."

(Big one, it throws the diiiiiirty look. I see through a-swaddled, I see annoy. Soooo annoy. Then it goes… goes… tries… OHHHHH flop. Ow. Ground is all a-shakings. Diary, loops are thrown at you.)

"Well. That didn't work so great."

"Apologies! Get up, get UP, you silly, uh, beast! Forgive her, sir, she has not been to a desert in a very long time. The hind legs are much easier to walk on, you see, and she has gotten used to creature comforts. It will wreak havoc on her constitution to go back to the endless sands one day, aha, aha!"

"Yeah. Sure. So, if she's an elephant, is she gonna, like, wreck up the place?"

"No no no no! Desert elephants are EXTREMELY peaceful creatures. Extremely. She'll hardly make a peep, sir, don't you worry a thing about THAT. Not a peep. Understand? Not a PEEP."

(Little guy is kick big'un. Big'un looks to steps on him. Ha, ha! Splat. Is no the happen, but diary, maybe, some day. Soooooome day.)

"… okay. What's up with these three? Awful quiet. 'n you, what's your business here that needs me to come out and chat? No offense."

"None taken, none taken, young master, young mayor! I, ah, I and my assistants here, we are physicians! Doctors! Healers of the sick, wounded and infirm! Or I am, rather, and they, they provide me with… assistance! Imagine that! Ahahahaha! We travel the lands, offering our services to the unwell. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money… is never charged in the first place! Bills after receipt of healing! Ahahaahaha, does that not sound excellent?"

"… I… hm."

"Ah! Hm! Thoughts swirling in your brilliant cranium! I suspect, I dare think, good sir, good mayor, that you may have someone in need of healing at this very moment, this very SECOND! Who is it? A colleague? A friend? A loved one? Dare say, might it be any enemy whom you must keep alive for some reason? Just kidding on the last, of course, just kidding, just kidding, sir!"

"Yeah, sure. Uhh… look, yeah, there is… one… person. And your timing is really good. I've been trying to… well, you see, I…"

"Yes, sir? Yes yes yes?"

"Damn are you short. Uh, I mean, sorry… you're strangers, see, and… I'm kinda leery. I'll have to think about it."

"Think, sir! Take all the time you need! We will set up a tent on the edge of your fair metropolis and wait in anticipation of your call! But don't wait too long - not for our sake, but for the sake of the ill and infirm! Let us practice our arts all the more swiftly!"

"… sure. I'll get back to you tomorrow. In the meantime, feel free to look around, get something to eat… check the Beefiary over there, tell Bora I said you could have some grub on the house. Okay?"

"Oh, is Lito-"

(Coughing. Little Greeny, he starts up and pinches self and pretends to wheezes and hackses and coughses ALLLLLLLL over the place."

"Er… ahm… apologies, I don't know what came over me. I mean, is… there… a… lithographer in town? That's what I meant, yes, yes, sir, yes, eheh."

"I… don't know what that is."

"NOR DO I, SIR, it must have been a case of the brain spasms. I get them sometimes. BUT NEVER WHEN PRACTICING MEDICINE! No, no sir, never once, never ONCE has a spasm harmed a patient. In fact, brain spasms are said to be found only in good doctors, sir, the very best. Go on, now, sir, think on the proposal, we shall be in our tent if you need us. Good day, sir, good DAY."

GODS OF THE SKY THINGER ABOVINGS, little guy talks SO MUCH. I call him Yappers from now on. Yappers the Greener. Proper names.

Done recordings for now. Tired. Writing, it takes much from diary. Tomorrowtimes, diary!



1 comment:

  1. Yeah, I agree with Diary. We can't be prejudiced towards the Greenies, since obviously people like Bora aren't badguys. So let's all join hands and sing peace songs!...except with the Penguin...and maybe Grayson...but especially the Penguin...F**K that Penguin...