Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Day Six-Twenty-Three: All the shenanigans

Dammit, I had that dream again. The one of the Neck and the people and the woman and the pulling of the lever and the badness happening. I fucking HATE that dream. It needs to stop haunting me, 'cause on a day like today I'd love to have some sweet relief when I close my eyes.

Seriously. Today was a weird fucking day.

As I bedded down beside snoozing Libby last night, conscious that she'd managed to wet herself for the first time in our marriage (SEE I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES IT), I went to sleep hoping that she'd be up and about when I opened my eyes again. Her, and Fynn, and Grylock and Edmund, and Bora, and Logan and Nagi and Jeffrey and Daena and everyone on this freaking crew. I wanted to get up and see them at work, as always.

When I got up, well, yeah, they were up. And at work. But not in the usual sense. No, sir, not in the usual sense at all.

First up was Jim. Jim's the other chocolate dude on the Dauphine. He's a nice guy, is Jim, and hard-working. Doesn't complain, is always cheerful, likes to join Edmund in singing even though his singing voice sucks. We all like Jim.

Jim was running around Command with no clothes on. I had to tackle and forcibly pin a tunic on Jim. He wriggled free, tore the tunic to shreds, and ran down to Engineering. Haven't seen him since.

Next was Nagi. Mysterious Nagi, the rude half-human half-snake. She was plastered against one of the windows of Command, attempting to lick it clean. When I tried to reason with her, she spouted a slew of words in what I hope was a foreign tongue and continued licking. Now the windows are all smeary.

When I tried to go downstairs to the Neo Beefiary, Fynn bolted past me. He screamed something along the lines of "I'M A HEFFER I'M A HEFFER". I didn't even try to stop him, 'cause he ripped the planning table out of place and balanced it on his head. I'm pretty sure he's still doing that.

Suffice it to say that the Dauphine is a fucking mess, and everyone here is utterly crazy. Grylock's lecturing the rhino on ethics; the rhino's lecturing back, I think; Logan won't stop dancing; Daena looks drunk; Edmund is attempting to mop the Neo Beefiary with a block of cheese on a stick; Jeffrey picked a fight with Libby and is now unconscious. And Libby, well, hells, Libby's doodling on the walls with a paint brush. Perhaps the least crazy thing I've seen anyone do.

Only two people are still cogent. Kinda. 

I found Plato and Bora huddled together in Bora's cabin, beneath a blanket. My first thought was of Bora being a Non-lover, hence her weird behaviour and unusual knowledge of 'the bad guys', but I quickly concluded that they were clutched together to stay warm. 

"H-h-h-h-hi, Dragomir," Bora stuttered as I walked in. "S-s-s-sorry, we're a-a-a-a-a bit tied u-u-u-u-u-p."

Plato nodded. He pressed his face into Bora's bosom, eyes twitching. She hugged him close.

"What the hell's going on?" I demanded, closing the door to block out Ed's wild screams of laughter as he whirled about on the floor nearby. "You can understand me, right? You're not crazy, right?"

They shook their heads. "N-n-n-no, just... just... really... really... c-c-c-c-cold."

After some convincing on their part, I agreed to slip into the bed with them and provide some extra body heat. They couldn't tell me what was going on with the rest of the crew, though, and despite constant forays to check on everyone I've drawn no conclusions. This shit is random, and it's crazy, and in some cases it's getting dangerous. I had to bar the door to keep Ed from getting in, as he kept flopping against the wood and professing his love for goat's cheese. Apparently it's great for cleaning your breeches of hoarfrost.

The crazies have gone to sleep since then. I guess maintaining a constant level of activity wears 'em out quick. We're not missing anybody, so I'm thankful for that much. I can only pray that they're back to normal tomorrow - or whatever's causing this reveals itself, so I can get to work solving it. At this rate it seems as though I'm the only one who can make it happen.

What in the actual fuck,

Dragomir the Wanderer


  1. Nagi was saying in her native tongue..."The Snozzberries taste like Snozzberries!"

    1. Reminiscing about that quote by looking it up on Google has taught me things I wish I'd never learned.